As many of you know I’ve been working hard to promote my new idea for a book, How Brave Are you, and so far I’ve gotten a few truly brave souls that have taken time from their lives to share with me parts of themselves. For that, I’m truly grateful. It takes a truly brave soul to share their deepest thoughts and express their beliefs so honestly and without reservation. I applaud you for being honest and brave. Many of you have said that you didn’t really get why I was doing this, so I thought I’d take the time to do two things 1 – explain why this survey is so important to me and 2 – show you that you aren’t the only one that is brave, I too have answered these questions and I’m willing to let you see my hopes, fears, beliefs, desires and imperfections, in the hopes that those of you still on the fence about taking my survey will choose a side.
Unlike you, I didn’t give myself the choice to be anonymous – I felt that it would be disrespectful to ask you to be brave with me, when I haven’t done so with you. So I’ve answered each question honestly and completely and signed my name to each answer. Flaws and all, it’s there for you to read, if you so choose.
First I’d like to point out that while this survey is long (and yes it is VERY long), the point to each of the questions is two fold. Yes I want to know what your answer is for my book, but if you stop and truly search yourself for the answer, you will learn something about yourself. I know I did when I answered the questions, and it wasn’t just how brave I was. I learned that deep down there are things I want in life that I haven’t really pursued aggressively in the past. I also learned that I truly know and understand who I am as a person and that I should stop selling myself short and fight for what is truly important to me. Okay, I know I’m getting rather wordy here, but I really believe that insight into yourself is one of the benefits of taking my survey.
So on to part 2 – my own answers…. MOM if you’re reading this… Please stop…. or at least don’t be too surprised….
1. If today was your last day, how would you spend it?
I fear that if I only had 24 hours to live, most of my loved ones would be too far away for me to spend it with, but ultimately I would like to be in the arms of someone that loved me.
2. Life is too short to tolerate _____________
Stupidity – in whatever form it takes.
3. What is one fear that you know is holding you back?
Fear of failure – I always hesitate and feel like I’m just on the edge of success and my fear of failure holds me back. I think I’m not worthy of success or that I can’t handle success.
4. Everyone in the world matters, but why do you feel YOU matter?
Sometimes I wonder if I do, that’s what prompted this survey in the first place. I spend a great deal of my time thinking that I’m being punished for something, I try to be positive and list my good attributes, I’m a good friend, I love my family, I work hard, etc., but I still feel like I haven’t measured up to some invisible and unknown measuring stick, so I wonder if I really do matter.
5. What have you done that you are NOT proud of?
There are many things I’ve done that I’m not proud of, hurt friends, hurt loved ones, but hurting myself is the one thing that I never seem to be able to face.
6. What’s the one change you need to make in your life?
Believe that I’m worth the things I want – success, love, happiness. Stop kicking myself when I’m down and trust that what I want is what I deserve.
7. What have you given up on?
Not sure I’ve given up on it, but I think my chances are growing slim, marriage and children. Hell, just love would be enough for me.
8. Who decides what good and evil are?
I think that although an individual’s higher power gives them a moral compass of sorts, I truly believe that it’s on the individual to decide what’s right and wrong.
9. What is true strength?
I think true strength is the will and drive to never give up on something, but tempered with the wisdom to know what to truly focus on. True strength is only found in your heart, not your head.
10. What is true love?
True love is something that is completely profound. It’s something only your heart can describe and only your mind can comprehend. It’s something completely undefinable, it’s the one thing in this world that happens in a split second that even years and miles can’t tear down. The only way to describe true love is to experience it, the touch of a child’s hand, the smile on a loved one’s face, the whispered words that can make your life complete.
11. What do you think happens when we die?
I know what I’d like to think, that there is some place where our consciousness goes to, maybe heaven, maybe reincarnation. I think that no one faith has it all right; I prefer to think that maybe we just become energy and light and find a better horizon to aim towards. Wouldn’t that be lovely – shooting across the cosmos seeing everything and anything that exists?
12. What makes a good friend?
Loyalty, caring, kindness and above all else honesty, I believe my best friends are the ones that aren’t scared to call me on all my bull. Although I’d appreciate it if when I fall down you laugh AFTER you make sure I’m ok, I know I’m a klutz but laugh second please.
13. Do aliens exist?
YES! I think it’s short sighted and narrow minded to believe that we are completely alone in the entire Universe. Really? All this space and it’s only us? And if that’s true, wow, we should be so ashamed of ourselves. Do I think aliens visit us? NO – I think our little planet with all its petty trials and tribulations is much like that sketchy rest stop in the middle of nowhere that no one wants to stop at. I think only desperation would make a higher being stop here, we have far too much work to do as a species.
14. Is there a supreme power?
I choose to believe that there is something greater than us out there. I don’t know that I subscribe to any particular faith; I find a great deal of it to be misguided and judgmental –my opinion, but I don’t force my beliefs on anyone. I prefer to let people choose for themselves. I think that what you reap you sow, and if you put bad energy out, that’s all you get back, so that would indicate to me that there is some force out there.
15. How do you think the world will end?
I’m of two minds on this one. I think ultimately whichever way it happens it will be at our own hands. It could be disaster, could be the implosion of wars, but no matter what, we did it to ourselves.
16. What is beauty?
I think this is individualized too, but I know when I feel something that moves me I find that truly beautiful. It has nothing to do with people or place, but beauty is the feeling that it gives you.
17. Would you rather be loved or respected?
I think you can be respected without love, but you can’t be loved without respect, so I prefer to be loved.
18. Would you be friends with you?
Absolutely! I try to live my life with the following: a fierce love for my friends – yep I’ll help bury a body with you (metaphorically); two shoulders for crying on, no waiting; no one cries alone in my presence – no matter the reason; and lastly, if it’s within my realm to give, help, or do, then it shall be.
19. If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be and why?
While it’s tempting to fix the little things you think are wrong in your life, I think that who you are is a sum of all the experiences to date, so I don’t think I’d be tempted to go back and change anything….. Well… maybe that one night…. With the Tequila… that one, maybe I’d change or at least watch to see what happened.
20. If you could have one wish filled what would it be?
Oh so many wishes…. Since you can’t wish for infinite wishes…. Mine would be to have the life that I dream of, dream career, dream home, dream love (ESPECIALLY that one)…
21. If you were offered to have your wildest dreams fulfilled, what would you be willing to sacrifice? (Example: Would you sell your soul for fame and fortune?)
That’s a tricky one. I think of the wildest dream I want I’d be willing to give anything, but then what if I wanted a baby and I had to give up that ability – this would be my luck. So I’ll temper my answer with if I were aware of what I had to give up first and what I’d get in return I think there isn’t much I wouldn’t give up to get what I want out of life. Would I sell my soul… meh I don’t think I’d quite go that far. But I’d give up a kidney or a lung in a New York minute.
22. What do you want most out of life?
To be happily married and have a baby with the man I love. Career is second fold for me, but I’d want to be a successful writer.
23. What are you most scared of?
Physically – anything creepy and crawly or slithery. Spiritually – that I may never know true love. Emotionally – that I may never be loved by someone else (in a romantic sense).
24. What’s one thing that makes you truly weep? One thing that gives you complete joy?
Weep: fear that I may never be loved. Joy: Knowing I’m going to be an Auntie- hey if I can’t spoil my own, I’ll spoil Ivy’s!
25. What is your darkest secret?
That in my darkest hours I contemplate how the world would be better if I was never in it. I try to keep positive for the most part, but when the walls close in and I can’t take any more, I retreat to the darkness and indulge my self-pity. I have many dark secrets that I keep a tight lid on, but this one is one that comes up most often, so being honest, I thought this was the one that I should share.
1. What do you think makes a healthy relationship?
Honesty, loyalty, respect, and trust. These are paramount in any and every relationship. I look at the relationship I’d most like to emulate and these are the same elements I see.
2. What would you do for love?
What wouldn’t I do? I’ve always had the problem/ability of loving completely and without reservations; this is the one thing I’ve continued to miss in my partners. I always believe them to be able to give me the same back, and I think I expect too much. So I won’t settle for second best, it’s all or nothing for me, I think my partner deserves that and I expect that in return.
3. What is your definition of cheating?
Anything you would hide from your partner. If you’re having an on line chat with someone and you don’t want me to know, it’s cheating. If you’re spending time with someone else, it’s cheating
4. If your partner cheated on you and told you, would you forgive them? Why?
I’ve had this happen to me more than once. It was when I was too young to understand that I deserve the best of someone. I let circumstances decide, but ultimately with me, once a cheater, always a cheater, so unless they can change my mind on that, I will always doubt them.
5. Have you ever cheated on your partner?
No never. I’ve been the one cheated on, and I know how worthless it makes you feel, and I’d rather be honest and tell my partner that I wanted to be with someone else and let the chips fall where they may than to hurt them by trying to pull one over. It goes back to that honesty, respect, trust and loyalty for me.
6. Do you struggle with sexual temptation in your relationship? If so what and why?
I think it’s ok to look at someone else, but know that looks are a passing fancy. I have fantasies in my head that may not be with my partner, but it has more to do with my inability to express what I really want sexually than temptation. In my head I can get exactly what I want without having to ask and feel like I’m being looked at with judgment – depending on what I want. This is something I now look for in a potential partner, can I be completely honest? Can I share those thoughts that would be considered dark? So ultimately when (or if) I find someone that can make me feel safe enough to share, then I don’t think my answer would remain this way.
7. If your partner became completely dependent on you for everything, would you stay with them? Why/why not?
This is an interesting question for me. I’ve always approached my serious relationships with the question of ‘if this person was incapacitated, would I stay’, so for me, if the relationship was love for me, then yes I would stay. Most would see this as loyalty, but true love isn’t about ability. I think the movie Notting Hill where the guy carries his wheelchair bound wife is me. I love them, so I’d care for them.
8. What kind of affection makes you feel most loved?
I love it when my partner does little things. A quick kiss when I’m not expecting it, grabbing my hand when we’re walking, pulling me close just to have me near. It’s those little things that you don’t expect that lets me know I’m on your mind, I’m important, and when it’s right, you can’t live without me.
9. If your partner no longer wanted or could have sex, and gave you permission to fill your needs elsewhere, would you?
This one is tough. I’m an Aries, and as such sex is very high on my list. But being ruled by Taurus brings me down to home and hearth. I think in a situation where they are unable, I would consider the possibility – I would prefer and could get by with “aids” – but only if they agreed on the person I would have to seriously think about the ramifications. When they don’t want it that would feel more like a rejection and would create problems. That would feel more like I wasn’t what they wanted anymore and would expect them to leave.
10. Do you believe you have to be in love to have sex? Why /why not?
No I don’t believe love is paramount for sex. I believe I would prefer it, mostly because I need a certain degree of comfort with the person, but I think if you care for someone, you don’t have to be in love for a physical need. That part of my Aries nature I can say for sure. I am able to compartmentalize sex and love. They are two separate entities – but love does make it much better.
11. Is sex more emotional (romantic) or physical for you?
Sex is a physical need, emotional attachment makes it better.
12. What’s your favorite sexual position? Why?
While I believe every position can be pleasurable, I’m going with the flying lotus, preferably if he’s NOT in the kneeling position. Those of you that do yoga, you know what I’m saying, those that don’t look it up and thank me later. Why – maximum penetration, in addition to the tantric breathing brings a deeper sense of intimacy. When done right, you can feel like you’re breathing in each other’s soul.
13. What’s your favorite thing (sexually) to have done to you? To do to someone else?
Mom… please stop reading here… ok now that she’s gone…
Oral sex. It’s intimate as intimate can get. I enjoy a man that’s not afraid to enjoy himself – totally makes me feel worshipped. To do? Well I’m incredibly talented and again I enjoy giving pleasure, so oral sex once again. I’d go into details, but a friend recently told me I should publish my steps to giving the perfect blow job, yes there is a WHOLE theory on this… I’ll save that one for the man that falls in love with me.
14. What is something you’ve always wanted to try sexually but never have done before? Why?
I’ve always wanted someone who was willing to push limits. Again, honesty is key, and in being honest with myself I have set ‘hard limits’ things I never ever want to try – mostly bodily function related and hygiene unfriendly – so I’d like to have a man push me to try things. I want to be completely open and want the same in return. Why? To experience someone who can make you feel comfortable with something you couldn’t see doing – what an amazing person that would be.
15. What do you fantasize about?
There aren’t many popular British actors I don’t or haven’t fantasized about, hey my head, they don’t even OWN clothing. Yep, got a thing for Brits. Give me one with tattoos and all the other stuff I mentioned and I’ll be buying mattresses on a regular basis.
16. Would you use sex toys with your partner if they agreed, if so which ones? Why?
Yes, and pretty much any they would like to try – goes back to that pushing the boundaries thing.
17. What’s your most taboo sexual fantasy?
Bondage and submission – not sure why but it intrigues me, not sure I want to try it, but it pops on in my head every now and then.
18. Do you masturbate? If so, how often? And to what/whom?
I’d be lying if I said no, so yes. Not often, but when the fantasies in my head get a little out of hand, yeah I go there. To whom, did I mention Brits? Pick one.
19. What type of porn do you like to see/watch? Why?
I don’t really care for porn… truthfully, I have the world’s filthiest mind, and my fantasies in my head are far better than anything out there. Will I watch porn? Yep, seen it all, well except for bestiality, I mean I’m a deviant, but I’m not that far gone.
20. What’s something sexual that turns you on that you’re afraid to share with your partner? Why?
I’m into experimentation, and since I don’t currently have a partner, it’s not fear that holds me back, it’s lack of participation.
21. Would you ever invite someone else into your bedroom with your partner?
No I wouldn’t. However, if that was his fantasy, then I’d consider it and not dismiss it off hand.
22. Would you like to watch your partner having sex with someone else? Male or Female? What about your partner watching you? Male or Female?
No – too jealous. I wouldn’t like to be watched, but if it were a fantasy, I’d consider it again, but while I’m considering, note that all my answers are within the confines of a loving and committed relationship.
23. What is the oddest “object” you’ve used in your sexual activities? Did it send you to the emergency room? Why?
Yeah no odd objects. Handcuffs, check, silk scarves, check, little rug burn, but no ER visit.
24. What is the most extreme sexual fantasy you’d be willing to indulge your partner in – even if you personally don’t want to do it? Why?
And here’s the diary version…. I again state for the record I’m all about experimentation. So with hard limits as follows: No urination, no defecation, and no regurgitation – I’d prefer my skin not be pierced and any fluid better be respectful – everything above and beyond that is a negotiation. Some negotiations are simple like “blow job?” Yep some are more about providing a safe and loving environment where I feel respected. Also I’d need to know the reason behind it. If all you can say is because, yeah you’re not going to win me over. Win the debate and then you’ll get what you want. On a side note, a man that can debate with me… totally HOT.
25. Is there something your partner does (sexually) that you wish they would never do again?
Well I don’t currently have a partner so this doesn’t apply. However, I will state… cheat on me, yeah don’t do that anymore.
Personal information (if you dare) (R)= Required field (O)= optional
Sex (R): Female
Country (R): USA (for now) – hopefully it’ll be England soon enough….
City (O): Atlanta (well close enough)…. Can you say LONDON baby?
Age (O): Yeah that’s not happening…
Sexual Orientation (R): Straight
Relationship Status (R): Single, does internet relationships count?
What do you do for a living? (R): paper pusher, IT goddess, manager of the minions and all around dream squasher!
Astrological Sign (O): Aries (ruled by Taurus thank you, I’m a cusp baby!)